Either A Sheep or A Shepard No in Between

I’ve recently met a girl, and even though I heard of her but I didn’t know anything about her…as in really her! geniunly nothing! but somehow by chance (and nothing is random) we talked, we vibed…and then it was a flow.

And even though it’s been short few days and yet I don’t know anything about her as I’m the one only talking (typical — part of the brand) I can see clearly that she’s the younger version of me.

Physically we are the sun and moon, nothing about us from the outside, but everything about us on the inside is identical.

And even though I’m telling you, I have absolutely no idea about anything in her life, not her childhood, not her teenage years, not her adult life, absolutely nothing! and yet…I know everything!

I know that she’s struggling because she’s lost in life! just like me! or more like just how I was…as I made a decision in November 2025 and that was it! i chose the path! so I’m no longer lost…not even one bit.

But I’m 33 and she’s 25….and omg what mess I was in when I was 25…absolute madness! exactly like her! unfulfilled, nothing make sense, nothing matters! whatever I try…it’s meh! I hate the corporate world and yet I want the money! I want to start my own thing and yet I don’t know how to take a risk! too scared, I was even scared of success btw! whenever the Idea of becoming a billionaire comes to my head (because I told you the voice told me ever since i was a kid that it would happen) when I was 25 when that reminder used to come! I used to panic!

I can’t be a billionaire! I am not ready! I am scared!…….resistance :)

So what did I do instead? I walk with the sheeps and I try to be their shepard! and I end up not a sheep and not a shepard!

Can’t be a sheep because I’m not like them! I am not part of the flock so no matter how much I fake it! I stand out! like a black sheep in an all white flock! and I can’t be a shepard because I’m too scared! too scared from everything! I don’t have the security, the stability, the maturity, the growth….the acceptance! all I have is? resistance :)

So in every flock of sheeps that I was part of (literally the 3 work experiences I was part of) I got kicked out of the flock either they kicked me out or I left, but it was unbareable to stay!

I’d end up fighting with the shepard because I’m showing the shepards that I’m better than them! that they are shit! and I’m not! so they kick me out!

And I can’t fit with the sheeps because I keep on shitting on them, that hey btw you are sheeps and I’m not! so they dislike me, because even in the sheeps lands they were progressing from a junior sheep to a senior sheep to a manager sheep to a director sheep to CEO sheep, and me!

I was just a sheep! fighting them! telling them fuck you and your titles! and they’d look at me and think “pathetic” that sheep is just all talks zero actions and they are right! the only thing I was doing is just resisting! resisting being part of them! of the flock!

So my entire life I was stuck in the limbo! can’t be a sheep and yet uncapable yet of being a shepard and that is the worse state you can ever be in! and that’s why all of my 20’s I was in massive depression, deep deeeeep down the hole I can’t see the light, because which light? I don’t even know what path I’m taking? To see any light.

I’m walking one foot with the sheeps and one foot with the Shepards, so literally “اتفشخت” physically, emotionally, psychologically….i drained all the life force in me because it was all going aimlessly without a direction.

And now when I talked to this girl “young me” I told her what I wish someone told me, even though I wouldn’t have listened because I was and still am too stubborn and so is she too!

but I know that those words even if I was resisting….in moments of weakness or reflection they’d creep in and I’d think of them and then they’d give me perspective.

I told her, you can’t be both! there’s no such a thing! it’s literally scientifically impossible! trust me I tried…I tried for over 10 years now…it’s impossible! it doesn’t exist! you can’t be both. period.

So to end your misery you have to make a choice, you are either a sheep or a shepard! you need to choose a path and to walk it and when you do, you commit to it.

You either decide you want to be a sheep which btw at her age, she needs to be a sheep, I needed to be a sheep even though unfortunately I didn’t know how to be one because I was resisting (and yet I was part of the flock so literally a sheep but with no benefits) but you need to be a sheep when you are young so you’d know how to be a shepard.

Shepards who become shepards without being sheeps first, they fail! because they don’t know how to play the game of life!

So there’s no shame in being so unique and so different and against all the state of humanity that we live in…trust me I understand! but life is a game, and the game is rigged! and so to learn how to play it…you have to make a choice.

Either a sheep, or a shepard…no in between.

So today, you have to make a choice:
The hell of knowledge or The heaven of ignorance
نعيم الجهل او جحيم المعرفة

And what ever path you choose you commit to it for this phase in your life, and then you change it later when you are ready to switch sides.

So I know you are a stubborn little prick, because I was…(still am) but deep inside of you, you know….that’s what I’m saying is the only way out of your misery.

Peace out! 🐑