I Am Right and You Are Wrong
Do you know that scene from Matilda when her dad tells her:
”I’m smart and you’re dumb, I’m big and you’re little, I’m right and you’re wrong and there’s nothing you can do about it 😂”
Speaking of Matilda, a month ago I was on a morning walk in the mountains in Syria, I had my hair up in a bun and my nephew while walking, he goes silent and says:
“Leeno…do you know your shadow looks like Miss Trunchbull??”
And his little sister starts laughing saying “Yes Leeno!! Yes!! you do look like Miss Trunchbull”
Left to right: Nephew, Me, Niece, Matilda’s dad, Miss Trunchbull 😂
And for the next two days after that horrendous incident, she kept on asking her mom to make her hair up in a bun like me…like Miss Trunchbull 😢 and she crack up laughing, and I go cry myself to sleep.Sigh…out of all the genes that I could’ve passed on to these little rascals..I passed the bully gene! and now I get bullied by a 6 and 4 years old kiddos :)
Anyways back to the story, growing up I was a very argumentative kid, like I’d go argue just for the sake of arguing and pissing off the person infront of me.
Example:
(15 years old me) I go find my dad sitting in peace, and I say:
”Dad..why shouldn’t I get married to a Christian? I don’t understand like yes I am a Muslim, but am I practicing? No! so if I have someone who we are a perfect match! I should tell them…oh no sorry I can’t get married to you just because of religion..a religion that I don’t even practice!”
Haha…and shit hits the fan ! dad gets agitated! but what I love about baba is, no matter how much we argue, he never forced his opinions on me, like he state his opinions and I state mine and we fight but the end of the fight is basically nothing..none of the parties win and both of us don’t convince each other 😂 so we literally argue just for the sake of arguing…and some entertainment.
Mind you! At that time I never had a relationship with a Christian! I was just fighting for my rights in a hypothetical scenario 😂 but what’s funny is..a year ago, dad was visiting us in Dubai and we have this ritual where we go to Kite beach (just me and him) we buy Karak, and we sip on it while we discuss all sort of things in life.
So he told me:
“Leeno…I’ve been thinking and I decided that if you want to get married to a Christian, it’s fine..just go do it, don’t tell me about it before you do it…and then once it’s done, come tell me, and I’ll tell the society that I had no clue”
And I swear I died laughing!!!
A) The fact that we’ve reached a level of desperation of finding me a husband that even dad became okay with me getting married to someone from another religion is Hilarious.
B) The fact that dad wants to throw me under the bus!! Hhahaha jeee thanks dad! yes let me get grilled by society alone while you sip on your karak and say you had no clue I was getting married 😂
So that is one example out of a gazillion, I always loved to argue and to prove that I’m right!
However, as I’ve gotten older and matured(-ish) I noticed that, whats the point of being right? do I actually want to be right in everything I say? how will I learn? like if every person I hang out with, any statement I make I’m the one who’s right and the person infront of me is not…where’s the fun? where’s the learning in that?
So I started becoming more open minded to being proved wrong.
Few months ago I was sitting with a friend, and I was heated up in the conversation about someone, and that someone didn’t matter at all and it was just a silly convo.
Anyways, I go and say “ That girl is a whore!” and my friend got agitated, she said you can’t say that, and I said:
“I can and I said it, she is a whore!” and then my friend gets heated up and says:
“you do know that I was labeled “a whore” before and its a very hurtful and unkind thing to say, and you shouldn’t say that”
And at that moment, I went quiet for a second, I thought about what she said and she’s right! she’s absolutely right! Why am I saying such unkind and hurtful things about another person?
So immediately on spot, I said “I’m sorry, you’re absolutely right! I shouldn’t say that, I won’t say it again”
But because my apology was quick and I admitted that I was wrong super quick, while people are used to reaching that after a looong ass argument , so she kept on fighting me back saying how wrong that is..etc. and I told her again “listen yes you are absolutely right! It’s wrong I shouldn’t have said that, I won’t say it again”
And my friend had confusion showing on her face…she started calming down but she was confused, and she was confused because for someone to admit that they are wrong this quick and actually mean it, is something very suspicious!
But it’s as simple as that!
Another incident with another friend, one day I was sleeping peacefully and then I woke up and chose violence 😂 I go open instagram and see someone who both me and my close friend knew from back in the days, so I go message my friend:
”that x girl is so annoying man! like I geniunly don’t understand why she’s very snobby! like do you remember how I used to try and crack jokes with her and befriend her but she’s always so standoff-ish..etc”
And my friend said:
“ I don’t think she’s snobby or standoff-ish, I think thats just her character and she’s an introvert, so it’s your expectations of her that make you feel that way, and she just wanted to keep to herself but in all of the interactions with her, she was actually very nice”
And I thought in my head…damn it! bish I just came to gossip and chat rubbish why do you need to lecture me. but actually! I thought about what she said on spot and said:
“Hahahah you know what, you’re absolutely right! she is quite nice actually, I don’t know why I woke up and decided on hating her out of nowhere”
You see thats what I love about my friends, they make me a better person, they are people with their own minds and they form their own opinions, and while I do have a personality that is authoritative and one that easily can dominate the personalities of those around me, HOWEVER, I always choose my closest friends to not be the ones that can be dominated, I hate that actually and I find it boring.
So I love that they challenge me, that they prove me wrong! that they don’t just sit there and nod to me in agreement to everything I say.
I appreciate you guys 🙏 Thank you for making me a better person.
Now to a more serious incident, a year ago I was going through alot of hardships in my life but one of them was something that I was at that moment going through and it’s something for me was one of the biggest things that I’ve ever had to go through, and I go meet my closest friend and I tell him about it, and while we didn’t fight and nothing happened but everything that he said, his ideology and his principle about it, it shocked me!
And as I’ve said in a previous article, I’m the type that if I fight and shout then it means I care, but once my response is silence..it means that chapter has closed for good.
So I went silent, told him I need to leave (we didn’t fight or argue) so he didn’t know how I felt, but I got so hurt from him that I went and removed him from my instagram and from all ways of communication, and he had no clue what on earth went wrong! and you see this is not just any friend, he’s my closest friend of 7 years, like I see that man more than I see my family.
But when I have a clash with “The Principles” of someone, I’m no longer capable of tolerating them, like I can’t even get myself to sit and discuss with you and try to solve things, because it’s a principles clash.
So I ghosted him and cut off all ties and while that did hurt me, but I was going through enough shit that I just don’t want more, and I moved to Bali.
I came back from Bali, I meet my friend once and I said I’m sorry for what happened (I wasn’t convinced and my apology wasn’t sincere) but at least I was sorry for the way I cut him off, because you simply can’t just cut off someone who’s that close like that, without even giving them the respect enough to explain why are you doing that.
But, even after we met once and supposedly things should go back to normal and added each other again on the gram, but I couldn’t get myself to see him or to talk to him, I still had the principle clash and I just couldn’t!
Fast forward one year, it’s my friend’s birthday and I just message him happy birthday out courtesy, I wasn’t planning to have a longer talk than that, and anyways on my birthday he messaged me the same:
“Happy Birthday Leeno” and that’s it and I sent him the same.
BUT!! what happened and to my surprise, that friend not only responded thanking me but he went and blurted out a looooooong ass message, admitting to what went wrong, where did he go wrong, during that year of separation he actually worked so hard on himself, on his growth (not for me-this is nothing about me) but he actually managed to identify all the issues that were in him that some used to agitate me alot, and he admitted that on that day when we argued and I left, that he didn’t know any better…he’s not the type that can express his emotions at all, so he weren’t able to show me or communicate what he truly felt and to be more compassionate.
And I swear to god, once I read that, everything inside of me cleared up! I had zero negative feelings toward him, I was so proud of the man he’s becoming, of how he chose to work on himself and to heal as it was a tough year for him too…and I was like:
Welcome back to my life with open arms 🤗
You see, I love him, and I loved him even when we were in separation and actually the fact that I removed him from instagram which is very childish it shows that I cared and that I was hurt, because usually when I fight with someone I just keep them there as I don’t give two shits, but I just didn’t want to see anything about him, because it pisses me off to remember how close we were and how he’s now not in my life.
So, if that friend didn’t admit that he was wrong, we would’ve both lost a friendship that we both needed, that we both relied on, because for both me and him we were the support system for each other for those 7 years, and it only took from his side to admit that he was wrong and it’s not just a matter of “I’m sorry” as words are meaningless, he apologized with his actions, with his growth.
And the result is, now we are back into each others life, closer than ever and I don’t think he’ll ever be out of my life ever again, I’m not going to mention your name so we wouldn’t be jinxed 🧿🪬
But I guess everyone who knows me, know who you are! and I love you, and I appreciate you and I accept you as you are, and I’m so blessed to have you in my life ❤.
At work, at the agency where I used to work, my boss (the one that I do free promotion for her in literally every single article I write…time to pay for these features Basoma 😂) anyways she had true leadership traits, she always admitted when she was wrong, she always said she was sorry even to the most junior of us, she didn’t care that she’s a higher up and that someone else is way lower on the food chain, she just took ownership.
And while that is AMAZING! however, for the “truly unruly” person that I am that backfired on me (when I went and faced the corporate world outside).
I was spoiled with such good leadership for the majority of my career, so thats the only leadership style I knew.
She allowed me to express my opinions freely, to challenge her not in a rude way but in a respectful way, as you need your colleagues to challenge you to become better, she allowed it all!
and every single time I suggested an idea, she doesn't shut it down on spot, she actually take the time to discuss, why it’s not going to work…etc. and I’d end up being convinced, she’s right (89% of the times 😹) but what happened is, when I left that place and I had an experience at “corporate” environment.
I was sooooo unready for what’s in store for me, they were also not ready for “me”, and I came in (as I am in real life — A Tornado) so I wanted to fix things, do things, find the issues, escalate it…get shit done! as in the agency where I was, that’s how it is! fast paced! and we were given ownership! so I just get shit done!
And to my bad luck, I landed with a leader who was the opposite of Basma in everything in life, so no body gave a shit about my innovative ideas, I swear to god I created for them an automated solution on spot for a task that they’ve been complaining that it’s taking soo much hours from their time, and what do I get?
I got a thumbs up on my slack message (not even from my boss but from another colleague) — my boss ignored me, just like how she ignored any message I sent her asking for help, just how she ignored my message on Linkedin thanking her for the opportunity , on the day that I was fired “yes she’s that bad of a leader “
— and no body cared to implement my solution, they just sticked to their misery and complained about “work load”
And I defied their way of work, because I believe I was hired based on my expertise so at least for the middle east market I should be the one taking ownership, and the plan that they had in their mind for the Middle East website launch was disastrous from an SEO perspective, and I could’ve just kept quiet!
I could’ve just played along because that disastrous plan was in place before I was even hired…but I couldn’t!
I had to go stop their plans and put another action plan and escalate it to the higher ups, reaching people waaaaaay higher than my boss and in a global organization like this, to make people hear of me across continents… while you may think it’s a blessing! it was actually a curse.
You see I didn’t do any of the actions out of spite! I didn’t do them because I want to prove that I know better! and I didn’t throw anyone under the bus…not at all! I actually get insanelyyyyy happy to work with people who know more than me, because I’m a nerd! I like to learn, I like to be challenged and I like to be inspired!
So it was never to prove that I was right and they were wrong, but I didn’t know any better…I was raised on the hands of Basma 😂 a true leader who is secure in her knowledge and in herself that she doesn’t get threatened by me or my ideas, so she allowed me and actually appreciated and encouraged me to be more..to do more!
While in that corporate! “being me”…pissed off sooo many people! no body appreciated my knowledge, no body cared about my innovative solutions, they don’t want to do work. Period.
Anyways, this time even though I was right, but I was wrong! I was wrong to care, I was wrong to want to fix the disasters that they had, I was wrong because when I left the agency I said to myself “I’ll never again care and I’ll never again get involved and get consumed that much with a job” and here I was doing exactly the same thing.
I now “hopefully” learned how to just keep quiet, just to tap in and tap out and just get my salary, and while that does kill my soul and my passion to sit there not doing anything, but hey I’ve got bills to pay, and I’d rather pay them and be quiet, over being loud and getting punished for being “who I am :)”
So to wrap up, why did I tell you all of these stories which some are silly and some are deep! well because I observe the people around me and I find majority are doing the same mistake that I used to make “argue for the sake of argument and just wanting to win the battle” so here I am telling you, being always right is something boring and not fulfilling!
You won’t learn and grow, if you don’t make mistakes and get proved wrong, and anyways who cares! who cares if you’re right or if you are wrong!
I literally make bets almost every day about silly things with my friends and 95% of the time I’m wrong and I lose, and I never pay up my dues 😂 but who cares!!! like is it worth it all of that hassle to be right?
Is it worth it to lose a very important person in your life just because you don’t want to admit that you were wrong?
Is it worth it to lose a talent that would’ve literally moved the trajectory of your business just because you don’t want to admit that you’re wrong?
Is it worth it to waste your energy to argue and fight with those around you, just because you are too stubborn to admit that they may be right?
For all of them, the answer is one:
No it’s not:)
And from my end I tell you, most of the time I’m wrong and I’m happy to be proven wrong, and I’m even more happy to tell you that you are right and to thank you for helping me learn and become a better human 🙏
I’m not Matilda’s dad, or Miss Trunchbull…I’m just silly Leeno, and I learned the hard way to not take this life too seriously.
“You’re right and I’m wrong” and you probably are “Big and I’m little”…seeing how short I am….and I have absolutely no problem with that :)
