It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn
What an amazing day today is! yes yes I know I'm not being "Split" the guy with multiple personalities in one person, so yes yesterday was a grumpy day, the day before it wasn't the greatest, but today..today is a good one!
And I know a good day from the moment I open my eyes, I woke up rested, excited to be alive, it's a sunny day outside today, which wasn't the case yesterday I actually woke up to heavy rains, and I do like the rain, but it does impact my mood, so when it's sunny I'm happier.
You know what, I don't beat myself up when its a grumpy or bad day, I stopped doing that ages ago, I just accept it for what it is, so khalas when I know its a grumpy day, there's no point in trying to force myself to be anything else! there are emotions that need to be expressed and out of my system, else the grumpiness will drag! so a good advice is, when you're having a bad day don't fight it! don't try to force yourself to do things that you know you're dreading doing on a bad day (being social, fake laughing to entertain others...etc.) No! you just dwell in your misery and be grumpy AF! that's it!
You don't owe anyone anything! those who complain then those pieces of shit don't even deserve being in your life, because if they don't see the 300 days that you are cheerful and happy and focus on the 65 that you are grumpy then fuck them!
Thank god I no longer have those humans in my life, NONE! in the last 4 months it was "THE PURGE" automatically one after the other started falling out of my life because there's no place for them in the next chapter, and the ones that are left are the ones that know me so well and accept me as I am, whether thats my family or friends, they now know when I'm angry to not push it! they drop it and wait till I calm down and come talk to them (which I always do), and no body complains if I'm grumpy because they also know me so well to know that it's a passing dark cloud.
Very simple! we tend to complicate it but it's not really that hard:
- If it's a bad day then it's a bad day, sit with it and then sleep it off.
- Those who can't handle you when you're down, they don't deserve you when you're up (with no exceptions).
- "Impermanence" is a fact in life, I already spoke about it but actually knowing that nothing lasts whether good or bad actually gives you peace! because nothing absolutely nothing lasts! so if it's a bad day, month, year...eventually it'll sort itself out and you'll go out of it.
Actually I remember maybe Jan, 2024 I was sitting with my dad on a bench on Kite beach sipping on Karak and just talking about life, more like I wasn't talking because when I'm depressed as fuck, I don't talk much...and he doesn't talk much too but this time he felt like he needs to.
It was right after I came back from Bali, my life in shambles, I've lost everything, no stability, no nothing...so he said:
Okay do you want to tell me what happened? your mom and I never asked what went on in Bali but we know you were unhappy, so what is it?
And what happened is not something I can explain in a sentence, or even a one thing that I can say..it was bunch of thing going wrong all at once and also piled up trauma from the past that got unfolded, so I said...I can't explain it, because if I do then I'll cry.
And even while saying that, I actually started tearing up, and dad was like it's okay you can cry, but I just want you to know:
"دوام الحال من المحال"
Which is a famous Arabic saying, and in arabic it's so wise and deep but in English it's basic AF:
"Nothing lasts forever"
But he said it, and then went on to say, nothing will last not the good days and not the bad days, that's literally impossible! so now you're going through a dark time, but you'll get out of it! that is a guaranteed thing in life, so just have faith in that.
I nodded but I didn't believe him, it's so hard to believe him when you're in a place where I was, darkness make any hope for light seems impossible, and he was right I did go out of it literally 3 months later, and I was mind blown like wait WHAT!!!!!! I'm out and I'll never be in such a dark place again??!!!??!!
Only to fall again into a waaaayyyy darker place for one full year from around Nov 2024, to Nov 2025. and I went out of it again, happier than ever, more at peace than ever, and now life has proved me enough time that "Impermanence" is a guaranteed part of life, so while now I'm so happy but that doesn't mean it will last forever, but even if I fall again, I now know it may take long...very long some times but I'll be out of it again and that's it Ups and Downs.
And maybe if I didn't see that much darkness in 2025, I wouldn't learn how to be grateful for the light that I have now, because it was always there, I just never wanted to look at it! I always had light with me, inside of me, but I never wanted to see it, it felt too unrealistic, but now I know better :)
Now I know to walk a path like mine, darkness is a must..but I'll always be surrounded by light 😉
Cryptic I know, but there are parts in my life that are better left off unexplained.
Peace out!
