The Art of Making Friends

Her eyes were red because she was getting high in order to not be anxious to meet new friends 🤷🏽‍♀️

Yesterday I was chilling with my niece and nephew and you know when those ladies that go on twitter and say my 5 years old told me…and she goes on a rant about how her kid went on and said something very profound and how that smart kid defied Newton’s law of gravity?

Yeah…well that didn’t happen as we are a family of “Okay-ish” level of intelligence but we make up for that with our sense of humor 😂.

The kids just went back to school and in their school system I guess they mix the classes up every year so that if the kids made friends last year they won’t latch so hard to them that it becomes a comfort zone, so they mix up the classes and every year majority of the kids would be new ones that didn’t know each other before.

So I asked kids, what’s your strategy to make new friends?

**Celine: **I bring with me some toys and when other kids want to come play with them if I like the kid, I allow them to play with it, and then we become friends.

Strategy: Lure them in with something shiny, and then once they are close, you trap them in your friendship.

**Adam: **If someone is playing with my friend, I go play with them and then we all become friends.

Strategy: Play it safe, maintain one common friend as a comfort zone, and approach the other in a sneaky way, and before they know it! they are your friend too!

And then we asked Trix, how he does it? but he was shocked of the audacity of us asking such a stupid question, as he doesn’t need to make any efforts to win the humans around, we all just came and gave him all the love in the world and he just embraced it 😼.

Well well little smarty pants, lets see when I take you to the beach and you meet other street cats what you’ll do about it 😼.

So the reason why I had that conversation with the kids, is because now I’m in a phase in my life where I’m on a mission to expand my network and circles in all aspects in my life.

**Professional: **I already started a month ago interacting with people that interest me on Linkedin, and I actually bonded with around 5 that I think they have a very strong potential of us being friends, and while each one of them did agree to meet up, but…I was soo busy that I didn’t prioritize this yet!

And if you ask me what I’m busy with, I honestly don’t know but every single day I have too many things going on that I wake up and I go to sleep and what’s inbetween is a blur!

However, the above is important, because I want to be surrounded with people that inspire me, and those are actually that! but also! we have the same sense of humor so I chose wisely 😂 because if you’re not funny it’s not going to work out, lets be real!

Strategy:

• I dumb scrolled on linkedin, then found a post by someone who I have no clue who that person is, but that post either was written in a “authentic and genuine way” and that caught my attention, or it had a joke that made me laugh.
• I comment on that post/ or I direcly message the person on Linkedin, but I don’t message and say boring things like: “ Happy to connect with you on Linkedin”No no…being professional and well spoken will not get you anywhere if you actually want to be friends with them, in order for this to work, you need to be “you”, so I hit them with my humor immediately, something that relates to that post, or something about them! and if I find anything inspiring in what they do, or something they said, then I tell them what I think and I mean it! like I give compliments that I 100% mean every word that I’m saying…and the next thing you know 99% of the time, I got a response…I made them laugh and booooom! connection established and we are vibing.
• Next thing is, I need to actually make it to all of those professional coffee dates, that I was the one that asked for 😂 — so this will be prioritized for the upcoming month.

**Personal: **upon reflection on that deep convo with the kids yesterday haha! (thats the maximum of depth we can get to before we turn it into sarcasm and we bully each other - or the kids start beating each other, and I sit there and shout: Fight fight fight 👏👏)

“Sis if you read the above, I’m joking…I don’t encourage them to fight, the only thing I encourage, is asking them to go get me snacks from that filled to the brim snacks cabinet, which essentially mean they’ll be sitting and eating those snacks with me, and they are not allowed to eat that much candy…but hey! I usually leave in an hour and let you deal with the misery of sugar rush! — I didn’t bring those kids to the world, so it’s not really my problem.”

But I realized that my entire life I kind of followed Adam’s strategy, which is making friendships by being friends with a friend of a friend.

And that did work out for me quite well, but lately I have the itch of wanting to meet people that I have no clue who they are, and I don’t want to have friends in common, maybe the new friend will be a match and I’ll bring them into my current friends circles, but initially I want them to be strangers first.

**Strategy: **throw yourself into the unknown.

• I had a dinner two days ago with 5 other strangers using the “TimeLeft” app and I actually enjoyed it quite alot! what I enjoyed is the fact that this is not done to date, which makes it waaay more authentic and fun! because no one is trying to impress the other! and you can be yourself and not care what the others think.So we were: 6 people (2 Indian guys — 1 Indian Girl — 1 Filipina girl — 1 Belarusian Girl, and me) and we sat there and talked, and TimeLeft have a game on the app that they unlock it once the dinner starts, basically its questions that you can ask to get the conversations to start flowing, majority of the questions were absolute shit! and I think we did a better job just starting conversations naturally over relying on the app.

Out of the 5 strangers:

• Two I see the potential of being friends with them and actually now have them on instagram.
• Two that are actually super sweet and I did enjoy their company, but whether we meet again or not, I’m not sure.
• One guy, I hope he deletes the app and my path never crosses with him ever again.

That guy is 24 years old, and you know when I mentioned before in a previous story is that when I meet new people I’m able to sense their energies? especially the ones that have strong energy vibe? (whether good or bad)

Yeah that boy is a bundle of negativity, like he kept on driving the conversation into the direction of how everyone here in this city is superficial, and all the girls that he dated here (he found using apps) and that they all cared about Money…yada yada yada.

Yet, he mentioned that goes to restaurants in DIFC -_-! and in my mind I thought, like when I worked in DIFC going down for lunch meant two things, either a sad overpriced salad, or a full on sell your kidney’s first to be able to afford lunch situation.

So who does he expect to meet there? like…seriously though!

And he’s Indian, so I was like…I love indian food! tell me what’s the best place here in Dubai because I tried alot! and I love to always try new ones.
He says “Asha” he had to open google to show me the place as I’ve never been to it before, and upon looking at it, it showed ($$$)…hold on hold on hold on!

So you complain that you are not meeting anyone who’s authentic and genuine, but yet go have Indian food at a $$$ place? what on earth! and here I am thinking to myself, wow and I thought Gazebo is fine-dining 😂 and I love places like “Rasoi Ghar” where they literally stuff you with unlimited food until you can’t breathe, and it’s for like 50 dirhams per person.

But you know what, I kept quiet, I let him shit on the dating scene and on the entire city, and I just zoned out!

Because do I give a damn to drop my wisdom on that stranger who’s god willing I never meet again? NO! but I can drop the wisdom on you lovely peeps to tell you where did he go wrong so you wouldn’t make the same mistakes.

• Don’t be a negative nancy! I’m not asking you to be a bundle of sunshine, but you need to understand if you are in a fun environment, in a place where people are there to be social with each other, then we all are here just to have some fun and to laugh! no body cares about your depressive thoughts! not yet at least! like give people a chance to see your good side first and then gradually trauma dump on them how you are actively dating now because your heart was broken.
• It really agitates me how people are parrots! they all hear the narrative and then spread it around “Dubai” it’s superficial, it’s flashy, no authentic people..etc. we all know it, we all heard it.

Umm…okay, there is a side of Dubai who’s like that above, but what about all the rest? all of my friends that I made, which I made here in Dubai are not like that AT ALL! and their extended circle of friends are not like that AT ALL! which means if you look in the right places and you hang out with the right people, you’ll realise how much there is real people, authentic people, but if you want to go Hang out in “Nobu” then...what do you expect?

Come with me to Ijaza Cafeteria and Haji Ali Juice Center and I’ll show you how we all hang out in slippers and top to bottom 10 dirhams outfits.

Also, don’t you think we heard enough of this narrative “Dubai is so Fake”, okay then just leave! like I don’t think anyone is putting handcuffs on your hands and forcing you to stay! I wanted to leave, I left…and I came back crawling 😂.

We are all expats, so just leave! leave and go live in where ever is “authentic to you” but thats the thing, people don’t want to leave! they just want to be negative nancy’s, and I don’t know who told you that complaining and nagging is anything attractive!

Breaking news: IT’S NOT!

Each of us have enough struggles and hardships in our personal lives, and add to that everything messed up that’s happening in the world now that our lives whether we like it or not but it’s surrounded by darkness and negativity, so if we have some time to hangout and meet people, we want to have fun!! like tell me where do you love to go in Dubai, not all the places that you hate.

So, wrapping up!

How to make friends in Dubai

• Scout people who you are interested in and go approach them by being your authentic self, because if you fake it, then it’s a matter of time before you both realize that this friendship is a no-go, so no need to waste time! just show up as yourself and let things flow.
• Don’t be negative! I’m not telling you to lie and hide who you are and if you are depressed then that’s fine (aren’t we all at one point or the other), but don’t dump your sadness and negativity on others if they don’t ask for it! like such things can be discussed once that friendship is established — leave your sadness to yourself, show up with a good attitude and just be pleasant to be around as that will help people to gravitate towards you more.
• Drop the narrative! I don’t care if every person you’ve ever met told you ohhh in Dubai it’s hard to meet people, and everybody is fake!Go and find that out for yourself! go try first and then if that’s true, only then you are allowed to join that narrative.

Personally for me, that’s not my experience, I’ve met alooot and all of my friends are not fake.

But also, I never hang out at fine-dining places even if I can afford it, it’s just not my vibe! I don’t like to be sitting in places where I’m dressed up in a way that I’m not comfortable in, like yes dressing up is nice, but when I dress up then that’s not who I am!

so sitting in heels and a very tight dress is not me! I’m a tramp! so if I want to have fun, I want to go hang out in places where I’m comfortable to have fun, and not to be dying out of my feet pain and waiting to go home.

• And the final one is, come with the mindest that these are just friends! so just be yourself! it’s not a date, that person is not going to be your life partner, so just be easy going and don’t stress it much. Like you don’t need to match 100% and you don’t need to like the way they dress! I mean who cares!Just approach people being yourself, and accept them as they are, because you are just seeking friendships so there’s no need to put a checklist of what those people need to be, and just let it vibe! And if it’s a vibe then congratulations proceed in growing that friendship and if not…then the worst case scenario you mute them on the gram and move on in your life :)