What If This Was The Final Chapter?

I wanted to write this on 25th of March, as I couldn’t stop thinking about it while I was driving back home, but then I reached home and typical of me to fall asleep by 9 pm haha I mean I don’t even hide it anymore, if I’m out with friends, I’d say guys…Its my bed time and I need to leave before I become grumpy.

So by the time I reached home and I wanted to write it, I felt naaah I never write because I have to, I always write if I’m feeling it, and I wasn’t.

The end of times….it what I’m thinking about, and I have really weird sense of peace that I would have never in a million years would have thought that if it would reach this point, and this would be my reality….I would be so at peace.

I see my friends panicking (valid), my parents don’t panic because my parents are (Meh) about anything and everything in life, so nothing actually make move them especially dad, as long as he have his lunch and dinner on time…nothing else matters in this world, absolutely nothing! not us, not his grandkids…nothing!

So….the nuclear threat is becoming more real than it ever was, its like every day we are edging closer towards that becoming a reality, and I’m quite aware the city I live in is over 500km from the nearest Nuclear plant (which is the one threatened), so we wouldn’t get the blast but the radiation…and I don’t feel anything.

Let me show you something

On the 2nd of March, out of nowhere it came to my mind the nuclear threat and I went to AI and asked what us who live in Dubai should act if it happens, and it listed down for me everything that needs to be done.

Personally, I don’t think I’d like to live in a post nuclear world, and I’m not saying that lightly….no I honestly don’t feel like I want to, because once that wall is broken (now in modern times) this will not be the first incident, this will be a frequent thing that would lead to mass destruction…and I can’t be bothered.

But when I knew what needs to be done, I had a sense of guilt for my niece and nephew, they are too innocent and too young to have to suffer, so I went and bought everything that was on the list so I can prep for the family a survival bag as I know damn well those humans would wait until the bombs fall into their laps to panic and not know what to do, and I can’t risk that happening to the kids.

you see that’s more than 23 days ago, very early in the war, way before anyone said there’s any threat….a week ago WHO announce they are preparing their staff for the scenario of a Nuclear bomb, I have a French friend who works in Egypt for WHO and she actually told me when I posted that WHO announced it, she said a week before that they took them all into a meeting and explained how to protect themselves, but according to her, those PI tablets don’t even exist in Egypt (I find it hard to believe),

Then 5 days ago Israel hits near Iran’s Nuclear plant and Iran retaliates and make a biiiiiig mess in Israel, all veryyyyyy close to those plants, both are playing with fire, both are trying to establish dominance and to flex powers.

Yesterday, Kuwait officially makes a TV announcement to its people: Do not panic if a Nuclear bomb drops in a neighbouring country…here’s what to do.

And I sit and watch the chaos unfold and I feel nothing…I already have done my duty of prepping everything needed for the family, gave it all to mom and appointed her as the leader of the chaos, because the rest without an exception are all useless humans!

My mom was always the one who doesn’t panic in chaos, when disasters happen, she’s the one who acts, and I’ve lived with her through wars, so I know….but I became even better than her, as she knows how to act in chaos but I know also how to prepare to minimize the panic during chaos.

It was very funny when I gave her the Nuclear survival box which I’ve put in it everything they’d need as necessities (minus food and water ofcourse as that they can manage). She looked at me puzzled because thats like 20 days ago, when people, including I were saying it will finish in 3–4 days max.

I told her…Mom, we have nothing to lose, i’d rather waste few hundred dirhams and prepare over waiting until absolute chaos unfolds and we sit there not knowing what to do, and we have kids to worry about….she didn’t argue, she took the box and briefed the family as I wasn’t there, I don’t stay with them, so I’ve split the survival shenanigans between us (more like I just took my need) but….I don’t know if I want to use it.

But here’s the thing, I don’t fight god’s will….so I think if shit does indeed hit the fan, I think I’d feel morally obliged to go shelter in and just do my best to survive as if just go sit on the balcony for example, then it will be like I ended it, not it was fate, and in such things….I’d like to leave it to fate.

But I’m personally so over it, and I know it sounds so dark and morbid but I’m honestly not saying that in any sad or depressed way….it’s just that I had enough! I had enough suffering personally and I see the suffering of the entirety of humanity and I’m just over it! I no longer see the obsession with trying to hold on and live for as much as possible….what for?

To witness another war, another natural disaster, another invention that is made to enslave us…..I’m over it.

On a positive side, I think I’ve wrote about it before but I honestly feel so proud of myself….when I reflect back on the life I’ve lived, while it may be for others nothing worthy of pride…but for me! I couldn’t be any more proud.

I’ve never let evil win, I always fought for whats right even when I was the only one fighting against troops and troops which were always way stronger, way more capable, way more financially prepped, nothing was on my side but god….and I always won.

My consciousness is at ease, I can’t think of anyone that when I think of them I feel pain in my heart that I should say something, apologize, do something, reach out….zero. I’ve done it all I have absolutely no one in my life that I owe any apologies or anyone who needs to hear something that I haven’t already said.

I’ve travelled way more than they told me my passport can allow me, I helped soo many that they don’t even know me, I loved so many times from the deepest of my heart and even though it shattered me, but I wouldn’t have chosen to live life any other way anyways, I’ve ate the weirdest things, I went placed far and off the beaten paths, I laughed until I cried wayy more time than I can remembered that it shows actually from the lines formed next to my eyes which are actually the only wrinkles I have on my face at this moment.

I never waited, I always acted…I booked that flight the moment I felt like I want to go there, and I went with no plans and no friends and no one, just because I felt like it. I can write for hours on all the crazy things I’ve done just because I felt like it…but it doesn’t matter, what matter is….I’ve lived.

I’ve lived

Majority of humans think they are alive because they physically are, but how many actually feel “Alive” not so many, and I’m not saying my entire life I managed to feel “Alive” no, so many phases in my life I was actually dead while living…but I always managed whether with divine intervention or else…to pull myself out and actually live again.

I never chose money over morals, even though with the shit I’ve seen in corporate in all those instances they tried to pay me to be quiet and easily I would be sitting on a minimum of a million dirhams now….but I’d hate it! and I’d hate myself, and I’d never choose money over my peace of mind.

My Moral compass never lost its direction even in the darkest of places that I reached, I never compromised, never cheated, and to stroke my ego…I was never defeated….well! maybe only in love, which isn’t a bad thing really, it shows that I loved so fearlessly, and wholeheartedly regardless of the outcome, I don’t regret it.

I have no regrets, not on a personal level, not on a career level, not on a family level…not on any level.

I have lived at the maximum capacity of living for someone with my background and upbringing, I defied all odds and I didn’t take life in vain, I lived it.

And thats why I say…..if this is the final chapter,

Then I’m proud of the story written, If god grants me life to live and write more then so be it, and if not….

Then I’m at peace with the story ending here.

Peace out