For The Love of FEMINISM
When you hear the word “Feminism” or “Feminist” what do you think of? like what is the visual that comes to your mind?
I bet 90% of humans what comes to your mind is the same that comes to my mind as we are all part of the global Media Brainwashing agenda.
So, I’d visualize a woman, who’s not feminine at all, who doesn’t take care of herself at all, who grows her armpits hair (as thats part of the body positivity agenda) and then goes shouts in the streets, on tv or on her own Social Platforms in the face of the big organizations and the world in general…and the theme is always anger and hatred, and 90% it’s hating men.
You see the media distract us with the visual above so that we lose sight of what truly being a feminist is, and we start being ashamed of being part of “feminism”.
as that above, doesn’t represent us.
Personally my entire life I hated labels, I just hate them with all of my might and whenever something becomes a “label” I start rejecting it without even giving it a thought.
Why? because who was the person who created that label? another human like me?
Okay good for them but why should what they created be something to be applicable for all of us 8 billion humans?
I’ve lived 31 years now and not one person I have met in my life that I felt is identical to me, so why should there be one “label” that define all of us? based on what?
So for me “Feminist” is a label, a label that I associate with the image above, and whenever someone tells me you are a feminist! I actually get defensive!
The reason why I get defensive is because that above doesn’t represent me! shouting just for the sake of shouting doesn’t represent me, hating on all men that god ever created doesn’t represent me, and looking like that above surely doesn’t represent me.
But again, I’m defensive against the “stereotype” of what they tell us feminism is.
However as I was growing up, experiencing more and being exposed to life challenges and unfortunate encounters, I noticed that I am actually starting to be more biased towards my own gender.
I noticed myself being ecstatic when my boss would be a woman and not a man, and even better when the majority of the higher ups are women!
I noticed myself being repulsed by how the women around me settle for below mediocre men, men that they have to celebrate them and treat them as if they are kings when they are nothing but pieces of shit.
And whats messed up is I come from a society that this is the norm! like its the norm for the man of the house to be treated like “The King” as he comes to the world and his parents already treat him better than his sisters just because he’s “male” and then his Mommy find him a wife on the premise that “we need to find you someone to take care of you, to cook for you, to clean up after you, to raise your children” so he enters the marriage feeling like the king that he is! and any treatment less than royalty is UNACCEPTABLE.
Ok lets dissect the above:
- Mom & Dads of my generation and onwards, if you still believe that conceiving a male is a mission that you need to achieve and that girls are not an equal, then SHAME ON YOU! and you are not even worthy of being parents lets start with that.
The Concept of: we need to bring a male to this world so he can carry the family name and to continue the lineage….I’m sorry but a lineage of what? what dynasty do you come from?
99% of everyone around is nobodys, we are all NOBODYS! so what lineage are we fighting so hard to not make it go extinct?
**The other concept of: **bringing daughters to the world is a burden, we need a son to take care of us.
Ummmm really? look around you! when the parents are older, who takes care of them?
Majority of the cases around me in the middle east at least, the women are more involved, and while yes thats not a 100% rule that applies in all scenarios, but in general the way that we are built as “females” we are more emotional, more loving, more caring, so we get more involved in taking care of our parents and giving them the love they need, while sons mostly provide cash.
Well news flash! all of us women are now also able to provide cash :) so that old mindset should be banished.
Now lets move to the concept of Mommy finding you a wife to take care of you.
Let me give you a much better investment that will give you a higher ROI.
Don’t get married, instead go hire a full time or even part time maid that will clean and cook for you whatever your heart desires :)
And you go on and live your life as you wish! party and meaningless hookups and live your freedom to the extreme, trust me that will be much cheaper, safer and less headache option, than a “Wife” as having a wife comes with commitment, with partnership, with someone that will require from you to show up as the “man” that you are supposed to be, and to be involved in this disaster of a marriage that you both got into.
Nothing pisses me off more than guys in my generation who brag about that their house is a mess because they are “men” and when asked if they cook?? they gasp!! Me??? Coook? I don’t even know how to crack an egg!!!
Wow…slow claps everyone 👏 👏 👏
I come from a family where dad lived alone in Saudi to provide for us and he was really good at house chores, his house wasn’t disgusting mess, it was always tidy, he always used to cook for himself, and when we go visit, he cooks for us too and whenever we crave specific things that only he knows how to make it that good, he was always happy to go into the kitchen and whip it up!
And even now when dad comes and visit, if me or my sister go to the kitchen to make something, most of the times he comes to the kitchen to be involved, to help out and to entertain himself.
Not only! last March I went to Syria to spend all of Ramadan with mom and dad, and honestly that was a surreal experience…I knew that I was a spoilt kid but I didn’t even imagine in the life of me that I’ll be 31 years old grown ass woman and I’ll be this useless at home! but my parents are the reason why I’m useless!
My mom asks dad to go fold the laundry and not me! she asks him to do x y z when I’m literally sitting there and when I say no no let me do it, dad says nooooo you relax and enjoy yourself it won’t take me a minute, so both of them choose to work together around the house (mostly mom but dad never says no when he’s asked to do something) but they don’t let me do anything! and while you may think WOOOW what a life being a princess like that!
That is absolutely not how I felt, it was like a reality slap on my face that made me actually realize how much of a useless human I am around the house?
Because in my home in Dubai I get someone to clean for me, I was living on takeouts for the entirety of the 8 years that I’ve been here, I feel so lazy to do my laundry I just send it to be washed…everything is so easy to attain and I just chose the easy life!
But after my trip to Syria, I realized how reliant I am on everything around me but “me” when it comes to household things, so what happens if I lose all of the privilege that I have? I just collapse and crumble to my demise?
I refused that, so when I came back home from April till now, I actually now cook more than I order food, I now get a cleaner maybe twice a month the rest of times I do it…the only thing left is that laundry and we really have a challenging relationship me and that stupid washing machine..so that is still a work in progress.
Anyways so for me to hear a man saying “I don’t even know how to crack an egg” and they always say it in the same tone, as if it’s something admirable, as if its something to prove the “Macho” men that they are…no its not! IT’S NOT! it’s actually such a turn off.
I love how my guy friends always were self reliant! how they cook for us and host the best dinners without the need for anyone to help around the kitchen or the house, I find that fascinating!
Because they could’ve just used the “Privilege Card” that society gave them automatically at birth and just took the easy route of being a pathetic human that needs someone to take care of them, but they didn’t! they actually are more than capable of taking care of themselves just as we all should be!
It shouldn’t be a gender based thing — taking care of yourself, your home, your life..should be the responsibility of each one of us individually.
Now the final part of that equation above, is after you get married to someone, how do the roles get divided?
Listen I actually don’t think men and women are equal, but that’s not because one is better than the other, I just think the way our physiology is built and psychology is wired, we are different! so each gender would have the capacity to play a specific role maybe better than the other, but what are these roles?
Men Are the ProvidersOkay, is that still valid and applicable now in 2024? because I see all of the couples around me “HAVING” to work to be able to survive how expensive living as a family is in this day and age, so Men are no longer the sole providers, women also are providing just as much.
Which means…the only thing that you used to hit is with as that’s what the **cave men **used to do…TODAY! this is no longer valid so drop it.
**You’re the woman! You’re the Mom!!!!**You see I am aware that due to the fact that mom’s are the ones that get pregnant and bring the child to the world, that they will have a special bond to that creature that came out of them, a very unique and special bond between the mom and the children which no other connection will ever be like it, And with that connection comes a deeper sense of care, love and responsibility..is something that I don’t even question.
But it breaks my heart how the samples of the dads around me from my generation, that have zero involvement, they don’t know how to play with the kids, how to talk to them, how to teach them things…anything! any silly thing that you teach the kids will wow them…how can you be this uninvolved?
Like how can you live with yourself knowing that you brought those humans to this world and the only thing you’re contributing to their lives is money? but what about their character development? what about giving them the love and care so that they won’t grow up with terrible insecurities? how about you empower them and teach them how to deal with the money that you give, so they grow up to be successful, to know how to make their own money and to become tomorrow’s leaders…if you don’t do that, then who will?
But having said the above, and while yes the cases above are the majority, but I still believe there are ones out there who are not like that! there are supportive partners, involved parents and self reliant men…but unforunately being that means you have to do alot of work, and to show up every day, and to give your 100%.
And the question is, would you do so when the society is already giving you your excuse to not do that?
👆That is something for you to ponder on.
Let’s talk in the professional realm, women at work! I personally have so many unpleasant experiences in that, so probably it makes my opinions very biased to be honest.
Because I was ignored in meetings even when I’m the one leading them and the attention was given to my male colleague just because he’s a male, the questions won’t be direct to me, but to the man on the table.
My work was questioned many times, not based on my actual knowledge but based on the mere fact that I’m a woman, so it’s very suspicious that I’m able to provide such high quality work…there must be a catch, or maybe we should get the opinion of another male colleague just to ensure that this is up to par!
I’ve been through waaaay too many annoying encounters to list them here, but you got the general idea.
And yes it does bring me joy to see more women in leadership positions, because I know that it’s not easy to get there and the hurdles that get put in our way is only been put for “our gender” so it’s quite challenging, so to see a woman that passed through those challenges and made it up there, of course it’s something to be celebrated and cheered for!
However, does that mean every woman deserves to reach a hire up position just because she’s a woman? no :)
You see if the professional world was balanced already, this wouldn’t be a conversation that we even need to have, because then there would be a structure and rules that apply for both, there would be a fixed salary ranges, promotions and growth plans for that position based on your skills and competence and not based on what is between your legs.
So if I look at the above and these are few of many aspects of life where I do believe if I reflect on my opinions and beliefs….then yes I am a feminist, but what is being a feminist means?
I’ll tell you from my own perspective, what it means:
- To not make the life of women around you harder, as you personally know for a fact that our life is already hard as women, so no need to go bring down a “sister”, to be negative about another woman’s success, to stand against another woman when you yourself may be in her position one day.
To be A Feminist is to be merciful to those who are from the same gender as you know what its like walking in their shoes.
To not keep on enforcing and living by old society beliefs and standards that no longer serves you or anyone for that matter, just because this is how it used to be doesn’t mean this is how it always should be.
To be A Feminist is to know when to say “enough is enough” and to stop that cycle, to break that pattern, to not wait for others to do it for her, but to go and do it herself.
To actually stand up for yourself and for other women, when you see another woman in need of help, to actually go get involved and act as if it’s your own battle.
To be A Feminist is to actually be involved, not just by being loud on social media platforms, no but to actually go help, go make change, go fight with a “sister’ because when she have you on her side you’ll be stronger together.
And lastly to be a feminist is to be proud of the gender that you are born into, to see the beauty of being a woman, to see the blessings that god has gifted us, to empower yourself and those who are around you, and to know that your life is indeed may be hard, BUT! you are way stronger than you ever thought you are, and no hurdle or challenge will ever stop you.
So yeah, I am a feminist.
But I’m not a “label”, not a man hater, not a shouting mouth with zero actions…and certainly not one with “armpit hair” but hey no shame in the game, if you want I can refer you to my top notch laser technician haha 😂.
