Too Driven, Too Fast…Too Exhausted [Part 3]

The first time I wrote this, it was in July 2024 haha, man…I didn’t think I’ll relive this again 😭

Part one

Yesterday after working the entire day, literally the entire day, I went to my family’s home at 8:30 pm so my brain was fried!

I go down from my car and I forget to put it on “park” so I stand there next to my car watching it driving itself into the sand ditch right ahead, took me a minute to realize what’s going on, as that scene surely didn’t feel real!

I jumped into it while the car was moving and I pulled the hand break as fast as I can!

Full on action movie kind of thing! Luckily i was parked on a sand pit so I had around 10 meters infront of me of sand, else…It would have been a disaster that I’d rather not think about.

And a day before it, I go into an elevator and a guy with his bicycle comes in, so I was the closest to the numbers pad and I asked him, which floor he is?

He said 5

And i stood there hovering my finger infront of the pad unable to see 5.

The building is like 13 levels only, to the extent that we stood there awkwardly of me searching for it for 10 seconds that the man had to come and click it 😭

I apologized and said I’m sorry I’m fasting while laughing, and he fake giggled with his reaction clearly not believing my excuse and just thinking I’m dumb as F*, which is valid…sometimes I truly am 😭.

You see I have this feature in my brain called turbo mode, and once I switch on turbo mode so I can do intense work session for like an hour and two (but it would be sooo good that the output beats an 8 hour work session) but that mode literally fries my brain that after it, I must nap for at least an hour.

And for the last few days, I’m not napping even though I’m dying to, but I have so much work to do.

And my brain is occupied with a hundred and billion things.

My passport is expiring in like 2 months, but also I have no residency here so I should sort it out by maximum next month before the grace period is over, but also I need to sort out my visas for the next destinations, but also I need to sell all of my apartments furniture, and yet worry about paying the last rental cheque next month and to work towards paying as much as I can from my bank debt.

Knowing that what I’m doing now as “work” is not AT ALL what i spent the last 10 years doing, which means, I’m learning on the go.

Which means, I have no prior experience and this all is a learning curve, so it takes more of my brain power.

And add to that, that mom and dad are here so I love to see them every day and spend some time with them, and also my sister and the kids, seeing that i’ll not be here for at least few months so I want to spend with them as much time as possible.

And it’s ramadan! So by default its “family time” but also the fasting makes it harder to be on my 100% performance mode, even though eventually it becomes like that, but now its still the first few days, so its a complete change for the system.

Add to that my new found obsession in cooking, which means I’m either in the kitchen whipping up not one, but a minimum of 2 or 3 things so I can take it to the family iftar with me.

And I’m soo obsessed that, if I’m not cooking then I’m watching cooking recipes videos on socials haha.

Yeah that’s quite alot! Quite alot for 24 hours not gonna lie! I’m not even sleeping what normal humans sleep (8–9) hours, mine are a maximum of 6 and most days its becoming 5.

I’m not complaining though, its such a blessing being so passionate about work, that I can sit and work hours and hours without being bothered, or having the family around, happy, healthy and just surrounding me which would require from me to be present with them, or my cooking passion, it brings me absolute joy! Literally I am so happy when I’m in the kitchen, that’s a creative outlet for me, and not a duty.

So overall yes I am exhausted, yes my body is feeling it, but! What an absolute privilege to be busy with everything that makes me happy, joyful and fulfilled.

May life always look like this, and the times that it’s not (because I’m sure those will come as it cannot be always uphill) but I pray that they’d be shorter, and that I’ll always find my path to joy again, and I’d write a part 4 of this.

May we all work hard on finding our purpose and doing what fulfills our soul, as when we do that, no matter how tired we are…we would be at an absolute state of peace….just like how I’m feeling now 🙏

24th of Feb, 5:28 am

*Writing these last few words while I chug as much water as I can as fasting will start in literally a minute :)

And with that…I leave you as I need to go start my day, yet another one like the one before, another one of pure bliss and some exhaustion 😉

Peace out!