Taking a Look Around the Room

You know whenever I watch interviews of inspiring people, celebrities or anyone who really made it, 99% of the time there’s a common theme and that is…Support System.

They all go on long rants about how their family were the reason for their success, how their siblings were their biggest supporters, how their closest friends were the one that believed in them, or their partner who gave them space to achieve that greatness without trying to destroy it.

It always made me wonder, when it’s my turn and I’m the one sitting on that chair….what do I say.

The issue with today’s post is that it’ll trigger some people — nothing new here, pretty sure alot of my articles do that already:) , but with what I’ll say, people will take one side of the story and they’ll run with it, and if you take that side because I will be speaking honestly and bluntly, then you’d say that I’m ungrateful bla bla blah, and I’d say as I always say, with the most respect STFU.

I need to speak my truth because I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s like that, I’m not the only one who listens to these podcasts and think…I wish that was my story, that was my childhood…that I had that support system.

So today’s story is for “you”.
You = the one that looked around the room…and didn’t find anyone.

Family

Family have the biggest impact on us, because they are the ones that their ideologies, opinions and life experiences are the one that shape us, because that’s how we start our life as a “sponge” we are clueless about anything and everything, and we start absorbing, what mom says, what dad says, what older siblings do and we mimic them, that’s literally how our personality starts to form, it’s mostly influenced by everything around us and a little bit of it is our own unique character that we came to this world with.

So, seeing how family have a huge influence on who we are, their opinions matter the most! and sometimes they can literally make or break us, as even when we say ughhh I’ll not listen to them, their words would still pierce through your brain and it’ll always be in the back of your mind sitting there making low noises “I told you can’t do this” “You shouldn’t have done that” “ You don’t know what you are doing”…etc.

And that definitely have made a major impact on my life, it used to frustrate me ALOT whenever I came to my parents with a business idea that I thought was so great only for them to brush it off as it’s nothing and making me feel stupid about even thinking of such nonsense.

But now that I’m older and maybe slightly wiser, I ask myself why do I need their validation? like why do I need my dad to tell me yes quit that job and go chase your dreams when he was content with being an employee his entire life in the same company, nothing wrong with his choice, he definitely wasn’t happy but he was content and he had to provide for us, so he chose our happiness over his, or maybe he was scared! maybe he didn’t know how to exit his comfort zone, I don’t know, that’s his story not mine.

Why do I need my mom to tell me, that is a genius business idea! when my mom never had to do anything with business or sales ever! like she is quite a smart lady, but she’s an engineer and that’s her forte and she have good people skills..etc. But would she know if this is a solid idea or not? No.
Would she be able to spot an opportunity of a product that looks silly but would have huge potential to sell because people like “silly” also No.

So why does it matter that much what they think? it doesn’t…it doesn’t at all actually! but this mindset shift is a recent thing, as before that I always used to get upset, and I’d fight and I’d shout (when I was younger), I’d definitely feel disappointed of how they don’t see the potential, my potential!

But now I don’t, and I’ve established clear boundaries when it comes to that, that even they now know when to stop preaching, they currently don’t approve what I do, but they don’t preach anymore.

Now they just stay silent or say a prayer that may god bless me or something of that sort, which is a huuuuuge improvement from before, as I appreciate their silence, because when I tell them about things that I want to do, things that light up my soul on fire…I’m not telling them to tell me oh no you shouldn’t do that, it’s too risky or to give me a business advice..no! I’m only telling them because I love them, and I want them to be part of my life, and I want them to know about the people or the things that matters to me the most, and if that is a crazy business idea, then so be it…they can just ask god for blessings and thats all.

So if I reflect back on my upbringings would I say that my family were my support system and the reason for any future business success…No! I genuinely cannot find anything tangible to link it to that.

HOWEVER! there are many more important factors that would contribute to that success.

Listen, I’m an Arab woman, so to have parents like mine, who let me be who I am, freely! they let me be crazy, they let me make mistakes, I mean…I kind of don’t ask for permission but other Arab parents they would be so involved in your life especially if its a woman, that they literally suffocate her!

So I am who I am today, and I will achieve the greatness (in business) that I will achieve one day soon, because of them, but it’s not because they gave me a solid business advice, or a trust fund that was the stepping stone for my first business, and they definitely didn’t support any of my ideas, none of that…BUT! they’ve let me, be me :) and that is something I appreciate more than any of the others.

Friends

Oh boy…this one is the trickiest one! you see if I reflect back on my life, I always was surrounded by great friends, whether they were in my life for a paragraph, a chapter or till the end, it doesn’t matter. At that point in life when they were in my life, they were great friends. And my friends across all stages of my life if there was a common theme that I always felt from all of them, it was “Accepting and loving me as I am” and that is something HUGE!

Keeping in mind that I’m the type of person that there’s no one person in my life that knows about all of me! like my entire history, the entire story, all of the life experiences that I had…no one.

And I like it like that, there are many people that know ALOT about me, as I’m quite transparent and open person, but I like to have sides of me that are for me only, stories that I like to remember and smile about knowing that oh shiiiit that actually happened and no body knows about it.

Yesterday’s story, I bet if my close friends read it (not that those illiterate bitches read) but if they did, then no body knows about the SelfLove Guru, No body of the close ones knows that I was planning to partner up with that Greedy artist, and they surely have no clue who the “identity-less escort” is.

Why? Not because I keep secrets, no! but there wasn’t an occasion for me to say the above, I have way too many stories and way to many crazy things that happen to me on a daily basis, that I can speak about for days and still I won’t have time to mention it all, and I love that! and to be honest I’d love to meet a partner like that, someone who always intrigues my curiosity, someone who always keeps on reinventing themselves, and throwing themselves into crazy situations, in a nutshell I love those who “Live” and not just “Exist” and I surely know how to live (based on what my standard of “Living” is) , and while yes living does come with alot of pain, alot of disappointments and alot of learnings….but I’ve got hell of a stories! I’ve led such a life, so far that when I’ll be on my death bed and look back…I’ll have no regrets.

So back to the main idea, did I always have great friends? yes! but were they my support system? No.

Okay to give credit when its due, maybe growing up especially during “My Bully Phase” I think my friends back then were my support system, they literally were the safe zone that I was seeking from all the issues that were happening at home.

But as we grow up, war scattered us into different countries, life made us walk different paths, and we surely made different choices, the support system was gone, because the support they provided was no longer valid for the kind of support that I really needed and still do.

Let me elaborate more, the whole article started with me reflecting on those who made it big (Celebs, Business Peeps…etc) so here we are clearly talking about one aspect of life, and that is Money and business, right?

So if I reflect back on my life and my friend’s life from that aspect ever since we were young and till this day, I don’t see how it’s relevant for them to be my support system in that aspect?

Majority wanted to get married to prince charming — I wanted to travel and work as a waitress as I see in American movies and then hustle my way and become a billionaire.

I literally used to always say I’m becoming a millionaire or a billionaire ever since I was a kid! and everyone would laugh and everyone would be sarcastic, but then it became so repetitive, that they started saying “Leeno the Millionaire” I’ve believed it so much that I made them believe it too (even though I probably was the one that always had the least money in my pocket haha) and ironically that probably is still the case till this day 😂.

And I have a necklace that have a rice grain inside of it with the word “Billionaire” engraved on it, it was a gift from my friend, she came to Malaysia while on her honeymoon and I was studying there so we met, and she was buying those necklaces for her sisters back home as gift, and she said choose one and choose what do you want to write on it, and I said “Billionaire” and that is 9 years ago.

So my dreams were never the standard dreams, because even the ones that their dreams wasn’t to get married, they just wanted a job! a job that pays well! career growth and that’s it!

But I don’t want that! Like that makes my heart cry literally, I don’t want a job that pays me really well! maybe in this stage in my life I still need it, and I still need it because I never had the suitable circumstances during my 20’s to focus my energy on that! I was focused on my survival for as long as I can remember, so yes I did succumb to a boring job that kills my soul and my passion because it pays me well, but that doesn’t mean that my dream is capped at that! my ex-boss that I always mention in my stories she knew that I didn’t see myself climbing up that career ladder.

I literally remember during one of my appraisals I told her:

“Listen I don’t care about being promoted to X title, just give me the money”

Hahahha! well we had more than a professional relationship, so she always understood that I’m crazy and she accepted me as it is 😂

But I genuinely never cared about titles! titles don’t impress me, the more you climb that career ladder the more the handcuffs on your hands become tighter and tighter, more money comes with more responsibilities and you start losing yourself into “work” and you lose sight of truly matters in this life….which is definitely not work.

So, I am aware I haven’t achieved yet the success that I speak about, but I’m not sad about that, I stopped beating myself up about that, god knows what I’ve been through.

Yes it’s true my bank account didn’t grow over the years, but the growth that I had on a mental, psychological and spiritual level was insane! and that growth is what I need to achieve the materialistic success.

Now about my friends, the mistake that I made my entire life was, choosing my friends based on who they are and not what they do, wait before you start attacking I’ll explain.

I don’t care about materialistic things at all, none of my friends are show-off, none of them have fancy cars even though some of them can easily afford it, none of them wear flashy brands (they also can afford it) they are just decent humans, spending their money on what brings them joy and what matters to them and not concerned about what others think of them. so THAT IS GREAT!

But…the mistake I did was, I locked myself up in the same kind of circles, the circles of people who are great humans but they don’t have the same dreams and aspirations as I do! and this is where diversity is crucial!

Because my current friends, they don’t know how to pick my brain when it comes to business and entrepreneurship, they don’t go test out cool things and fail and try again and fail and try again, they don’t take BIG risks and say fuck it! let me see what happens…they all play it safe, and while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! but I need that! I need crazy ones just like me, because if we circle back to the support system topic, then those great humans that are in my life, they surely would say “Yes Leeno that’s great — do it” but thats pretty much it.

And that’s not the support that I currently really need, like that’s not the support that will change the trajectory of my life! the kind of support that I need is people who would be able to give me advice on how I should manage my finances, how to find an investor, to connect me to someone they know, to help me in solving a bottleneck, to teach me from their knowledge how to hold myself in business better, how to pitch better, how should I deal with different characters of people, to take me with them to these cool events where entrepreneurs hang out, I want to hear their stories and sit there in AWE…like WOW!! you actually did that! you actually failed like that! you know I want people that we can share experiences that will elevate both of us.

If anything I learned in my latest years, if there’s something you don’t like then stop whining and go change it, and I would never change my friends or replace them for anyone else EVER! everyone will stay in my life as they currently are, I love them, I need them and they are my pot of sunshine.

BUT! I also want to make new friends, and I’m following the same approach as kids do it, you know when kids see other kids playing and they reallyyyy want to play with them, so they go and start fidgeting around nearby until they sneak their way in, and then they all become friends and the rest is history? that is EXACTLY MY STRATEGY! 😂

I started seeing people that inspire me, and I started approaching them, and it doesn’t take much for us to click, like honestly I’m so blessed with the skill of just being able to chat any rubbish about anything and everything, and ofcourse my humor! which some get offended of (these we don’t need to be friends) but others actually laugh and thats how we bond :)

So I’m diversifying, and I’m creating the support system that I need, because I’ll be there for them just like how they’ll be there for me, because I have tons of knowledge and hacks and nerdy things that I’m dying to share but no one from the people around me really care or want to know, so it should be a two way street.

Partners

Lol…why am I even talking about that 😂 like literally I’m the least experienced human in the room to drop wisdom when it comes to love and relationships.

HOWEVER! I did have my fair share of my own experiences and by monitoring the relationships of those who are around me to be capable enough to form an opinion.

So unfortunately the common pattern would be if a woman is successful then her insecure husband will be her biggest hater….but why?

Okay listen this may apply only to us Arabs and only to the type of girls that I’ll mention, you see where I come from girls want the easy life, a man that comes and take care of them financially, emotionally, everything..so they all want someone who’s wealthy.

And while not all achieve to score that, But whatever they score, it would be a man that would be able to pay for rent and food and a good life at least, so I know alot of people that chose their partners because of money, how much he have and what he owns, is the only thing that mattered.

And the man in question probably knows that, because if I look at him, that man didn’t make any effort to educate himself, to make any effort to actually develop his personality to make any girl fall for him just with his wit, charm and character, no! why would he bother! he can just take the easy route, make money and just impress her with that.

So! in that partnership dynamic if the woman starts her own thing or climbs up the career ladder and she reaches higher success than him and make more money than him (even before actually achieving that) just the thought that this might happen, the man would be losing his mind! he would start to try and do his best to not let that happen, to not lose control, because currently the way he controls the situation and run the house is with his money, but if she doesn’t need his money…then why would she need him :) PANIC SETS IN!

And alot of men play the card of “You’re a woman you should be present for your kids, your role is to nurture them, raise them, take care of them, and not to go chase money..bla bla bla) okay, yes I agree Mom’s role in raising kids is crucial, but what is your role? is it only working from 9–6 and coming back home tired and grumpy and sitting on your phone? but give us money every end of the month?

Because we are capable of doing that on our own too…but where is your role when it comes to those kids? why did we both bring them to this world but then it falls on me their entire responsibility and you’re only responsible to make money? how shitty is that! bruv come sit at home take care of the kids see how hard it is, and then you’d be crawling back to that office job of yours and put in 60 hours a week and still it would feel way easier than being the parent at home.

Man…that topic above make me so angry and i don’t even have a husband to cuss or kids to worry about, but its the principle that triggers me.

Anyways I never had partners to be my support system, the experiences that I had were never enough to be anything worthy, and the short ones that I experienced its didn’t seem like that person will be a supportive partner when I make it big.

But if I speak about an optimal world how I’d like it to be and what I’d pray for, then a supportive partnership is a two way street!

It falls on both of them to support each other, to leave space for each other to grow as they wish to grow, as separate individuals and not as mushed together partners.

The success of one side shouldn’t be a threat to the other, and actually if this is a healthy relationship where both sides are growing in their own paths then the equation will never be unbalanced, as both will be thriving or hustling in their own way, both will be failing and succeeding in their own way, and while today I may make it big and you don’t, but you are already working hard to make it big too! and maybe when you do! I’d have by then lost it all for whatever reason, so it doesn’t matter! what matters is how we make each other feel.

I know I’ll be a billionaire but I don’t necessarily need a billionaire partner, what for?
But I’d never accept someone who doesn’t have ambition, I’d never accept someone who makes less money than me, not because I need their money, no! but because what have you been doing all of your life? why did I work hard to achieve what I achieved and you’re still barely making ends meet, so, it’s not about the money its about ambition, drive and what you want to achieve in this life.

So to wrap this all up!

**Family: **Their opinion doesn’t matter, respect their opinion and leave it at that and setup your boundaries and don’t allow them to cross it and this applies to everyone else in your life, don’t seek or accept advice or criticism from someone who’s living a life that you don’t want for yourself.

**Friends: **diversify your friends group and if you currently don’t have the friends who are people you’d aspire to be, then go make those friendships, it’s not that hard! we are all humans and we all thrive on human connections.

This modern world make it sound that it’s sooo weird and omg, can I actually speak to someone IRL, yes you can bish! just go try! be human, be yourself and crack few jokes and that’s what it takes to make friends, then whether that friendship grows or not that is a different topic but I’m saying just to make friends is not hard, so go mingle with the ones that fuel your drive.

*Again don’t let the words or opinions of your current friends get to your head, when it does..just reflect on their life, do they practice what they preach? most likely the answer is no, so respect their opinions and setup boundaries.

**Partners: **those of you who are still single, there’s still hope! YAY!!! so, be wise when you choose a partner, stop looking at those shitty superficial things! his watch will not matter when you wakeup next to him dreading looking at him, his fancy car will not be that joyful when you are sitting next to him while you both argue and shout as he drives.

Don’t rush into marriage, take your time, evaluate, see how that person truly react when you have a bad day, when you have a good day, when you make a new friend or hear a new story that filled you up with passion, does he care? does he actually care? like does he listen and ask questions and laugh on the jokes or even not laugh just say thats a shit joke don’t say it ever again, but does he love and appreciate who you are, as you are?
Love may fade away, but friendship doesn’t…choose a best friend first and a lover second.

And hopefully if the recipe above gets implemented, when the day comes and you’ll look around the room, the family even though they don’t understand but they’d be happy for your happiness and proud of you achieving whatever crazy dreams you have, the friends will be shouting their lungs out cheering for you, because your success doesn’t threat their success, as those who make it, know quite well that there’s space for all of us to make it, and the partner, will be the proudest person in the room, staring at you thinking, “how on earth did I get so lucky that this woman is my partner”, and the rest of the night is hopefully would be everything that you’ve imagined it would be, but this is a Halal-friendly blog so I’ll leave it to your imagination HAHAHA 🔞.