The One About Attachment & Detachment

As I lay in bed in darkness, looking at my laptop screen, doing some work and regretting that coffee I had at 5 pm, because it's about 10 pm now and my eyes are wide open Teeeheeee! anyways what to do! the best thing about not being part of the rat race is...who cares! I sleep by 9 pm, I sleep by 4 am, I am my own boss, a boss that doesn't have a salary 😂 but at least a boss that can sleep in on MONDAY! BEAT THAT BITCHES!

What I love about my new place is how it have biiiiiiig windows, and I leave the curtains open full even when I sleep because I like to wake up to the light outside (mostly I wake up before it even becomes bright) but I love seeing the sky the first thing when I wake up, and the last thing before I go to sleep, and yesterday actually the moon was sooo biiiig and soo bright that looking at that while I reflect before dozing off is such a blessing.

So as I was waiting for my Ai slave to do what I asked it to do, and it does such indepth work that it actually can get busy for like 15 minutes before it comes back to show me the work and get feedback, so I have more than enough time in between to just lose myself to my thoughts, and what I thought about actually made me feel even more at peace than I was before Alhamdellah 🙏

You see when I packed my life in Dubai and came to Nepal, I wasn't running away from anything, BUT! I did have some unsevered connections that I was praying I just let go off, and moving to a far away land when nothing reminds me of those connections does actually help, while not 100% because I'd still get some intrusive thoughts sometimes, or actually..."I used to" get those intrusive thoughts pre my week at the monastery, now...I barely get an idea, a memory, and i just observe it without any emotions and I let it pass.

You may think woooow! you've managed to become like this after one week at the monastery?? No no..it's not related at all to the courses taught, well! did they speak alot about attachments, actually the topic of "attachment" was probably the biggest and most talked about one, even more than Karma or any of the other teachings, so yes the teachings were putting alot of emphasis about the negatives of being attached..etc. However, those teachings are just as nice as an article you read online, that it is nice in theory, you read it, you may get inspired, you may get an idea of something to do, but in order for any change to happen in you, you actually need to take that idea and implement in your life day in and day out until you do see a difference in you.

And that's why I say, what changed in me wasn't related at all to the teachings, as I didn't even have time yet to reflect much and do any life changes, BUT! when you seek....you find! and when you make a prayer from the depth of your heart...odds are, it will actually get answered when the time is right.

And I did make a prayer pre-entering that Monastery, and it was about "Detachment"

Meeting that girl at the monastery which I mentioned in my previous article was the answer to my prayer, and shockingly I was the answer to her prayer too! because she did ask for guidance about a specific thing in her life, and me unintentionally and without even knowing about her prayer, I did provide her the guidance she was seeking, more like a definite clarity.

As for me, I don't remember exactly what was the moment that I got the "detachment" I was seeking, I can't point out one thing, but it was the change in how I felt, and it was because of her own story, she sat infront of me telling me about her own story, a very specific story, but that story described me to a T, that story was everything that I lived, everything that I felt....without her knowing as for her she was just telling her story, but for me...it was god showing me, my own story from an outsider's perspective.

I saw my own story but from the outside, and while I didn't need to see it to know how stupid I was, I already know how stupid I was, how illogical, how emotional and how destructive for my own good what I was doing "in my story" and yet...seeing it for the first time in my life from the outsider's perspective, it literally like someone shook me and woke me up from a dream....

I sat there actually quiet, just listening, just observing....and it wasn't like a light switch and that's why I can't point out exactly what triggered it, but over the next 2 days of meeting that girl and more and more talks....everything inside of me towards what I was attached to...shifted! it's like the ache inside of me got numbed, and my logical side took over my emotional side, and I started feeling..."detachment"

And you may wonder, what detachment feels like, well! it feels like, that one thing, or person or whatever you are super attached to and you obsess about, you start feeling neutral, very neutral...like the intrusive thoughts no longer feel intrusive, and they stop being as frequent even, but when they do occur you are no longer fighting with anger to wipe them out, you just observe while you are neutral and because you are not resisting them, they actually go away super fast, as if they were never there, and also you start being very logical, because sometimes well in my case alltimes, I lead with my heart and my heart takes me from one deep shit of a situation to the other, so when logic kicks in,

It just makes it so easy to detach even more and more, like you actually start feeling like that's not what you want any more, not that thing, not that person...you actually don't want it!

I don't know, maybe detachment feels different from one person to the other, but for me....I looked at that girl telling me her story which is exactly the blueprint to my story, so hearing it was a wake up call and I thought to myself...yuppp I deserve better, I wholeheartedly deserve better.

And that's it :)

Now life is not a fairytale and impermanence is a definite fact in life so now I'm feeling this strongly about how detached I am, maybe in a month something happens and sucks me into the loop again, HOWEVER! there is a basic level of awareness that you gain which doesn't disappear, so yes attachment may start building up again, BUT! there's more awareness now...more awareness to how sabotaging it is to me, and more awareness and clarity about what I actually want in life or at least hope for, and that....is not it.

Peace out!