Too driven, too fast…too exhausted!

Today’s story is nothing life-changing, more like a walkthrough of how my life has been lately, so if you’re busy don’t read it, but if you’re not, then I can guarantee you, its more entertaining than the last season of “The Perfect Match” on Netflix as that was boring AF!

You hear quotes like:

“Live like there’s no tomorrow” or

“What if today was your last day, what would you do differently?”

And because I’ve been in the darkest depression episode in my life from October 2023 to March 2024, when I came out of that, I was squeezing the life out of those quotes.

I felt as if I was dead and god gave me another chance at life (wasn’t ever in the life of me expecting that to happen), so would I be ungrateful and not cherish every moment, and live it like its the last one?

NO! 🙅🏽‍♀️

So I started doing everything all at once, I wake up insanely early, I play tennis, I run and try other physical activity classes too and I want to go to work early -even when no one really asked me to, nor there was ever anyone there that early but me!

And ofcourse I needed to give my absolute best at work, push to disrupt their way of work literally from day two, my manager sends me a “what’s expected from you” doc for my first 6 months, safe to say I’ve finished them in my first week.

[inhouse > Agency] if you know, you know😂

And I want to make new friends, not only that! NO! give them all of my time too! plan things, everything, every outing that god has created we must attend!

And I was reconnecting with old friends too, apologizing for disappearing from their lives due to my fall in darkness, and not wanting to only catch up with one or two, no all of them, I need to catch up with ALL OF THEM and I need to do it NOW!

And I miss my cousin, and any normal person would just have a video call, but no ofcourse I need to fly her from Istanbul to spend 20 days with me in Dubai!

And going from sleeping in a completely empty house with a sofa only and the bare necessities to going all in on furnishing it the way I always dreamt it should be all within 10 days.

And ofcourse I need to crack jokes on every Whatsapp group that I’m on (let me tell you…they are alot), what would they do in their lives if I didn’t bombard them with my finest collection of stickers and exclusive bants? Can’t risk doing that!

And I want to see my parents, suddenly I have the urge that I want to see them alot and even that alot is not enough (knowing I just spent Ramadan entirely with them in Syria), I literally woke up one day decided I’m going to see them, flew to beirut the next day to go to aleppo (15 hours journey in total) so I can spend 3 days with them because I felt I want to have a Cheese and wine night with my mom and dad.

And a week after that ofcourse I need to go to Kenya over eid, because who stays in Dubai during eid and rests? That’s absurd! and ofcourse I’d fall in love with Kenya and feel the urgent need to plan a family trip to go back again to Kenya in 2 months and plan it all while I’m still during my first Kenyan trip. WHAT! Yup! 😫

While also not saying no to any of the freelancing tasks (they pay well… I find it hard to say no) so I was waking up early during my trip to work for 3–4 hours before we start the hustle and bustle of activities till the end of day.

And the spirit of entrepreneurship rises again after being dead for god knows how long, that I am literally getting myself into 3/4 new ventures, not start one and see how it goes, no lets start a minimum of 4 because why not!

And a new cat! And I want to see my sister and niece and nephew as much as i can, so ofcourse I’d drive to go and shower at their house after tennis at 6 am only to see them for half an hour before they go to school — and still having time to get to work early.

Having said all the above, those things actually made me really happy, no beyond happy…the happiest person alive (wink wink..my instagram post😉 — go follow @findingleeeno if you can’t get enough of me — self-promo over)

1- Waking up early and doing my morning routine gives me insane life force enough to cover for the hectic day to come!

2- Doing a good job at work and seeing that I made a difference, brought me joy.

3- Making new friends and hanging out with them is soo much fun! I get to hear new stories & new perspectives.

4- Reconnecting with old friends, felt soo good because I love them, I miss them and I’m soo interested to hear what they’ve been up to.

5- Spending time with my cousin in Dubai, doing things with her and seeing her happy also is nothing to be compared to a video call.

6- My apartment at last feels like a home, it’s so pretty and cozy and It warms my heart whenever I enter it and I just feel like…ahhh now I can relax.

7- Loving mom and dad and flying to see them for 3 days, was soo worth it! I had a date night with dad and we bonded like crazy! And the cheese and wine night was a memory for a life time! The joy on their faces and the shock when they saw how good my cheese board looked, it’s sooo worth that 15 hours trip! Wait let me brag here👇 (they had no clue that I had such talents)

8- God sending me all of those opportunities to my life for side hustles, valid ones, solid business ideas not shitty ones at all — ignites my passion and drive like crazy.

8- Adam and celine (Nephew and Niece) I can spend days with them without getting bored, I lived at their house for 5 months while I was in the depression phase that I mentioned above, so I got used to them alot, going back to my place to live alone made me realise how much I need them in my life, so going there to see them always alwayssss makes me soo happy!

9- Wish I can say I love freelancing, but I don’t! At all! Because I don’t like doing SEO in the first place, I just do it for the money, so this is nothing that brings me joy, but whenever I’m given a task lets say its $300 id always debate how much difference that $300 would make in the life of someone I love in Syria, so I feel the guilt and end up doing it.

But…this all with all of its beauty it’s taking a toll on my body.

🔴 CODE RED 🔴

The energizer bunny is crashing, I repeat the energizer bunny is crashing!!!

The truth is….I’m exhausted!

I’m experiencing a new level of exhaustion that I never had before, let me give you an example that personally scared me to say the least:

2 days ago I came back home at night, sat on my sofa in my clothes, felt like having sushi so I go not only order sushi, but also crab salad and shrimp tempura, I placed the order and thats the last I remember.

I wake up the next day 3 am, with my clothes on, and lights and tv on, I shrug and go on with my day, fast forward 12 pm I’m going out of my house only to see the sushi bag giving me death stares infront of my door.

So I placed an order, I fell asleep in my clothes, I didn’t wake up to the door being knocked, when I woke up I didn’t remember that I was hungry or that I ordered sushi in the first place…I literally forgot about it entirely…how scary is that?

*btw not to feel like I wasted money, I tried eating few bites of whats now a hot and soggy crab salad — but I had to prioritize the health of my stomach over that 100 dirhams wasted 😂 so I didn’t continue.

And it’s been just constant running, I’m always constantly running and I actually hate that! I’ve never been the person that arrives late rushed and flustered, that annoys alot me actually,

but today I had a flight to Egypt, I thought I’m flying in the evening and its from Abu dhabi, only to check and realise that I need to be at the airport by 1:30 pm and I needed to give my rental car by 12 pm, I realised all of that only when I reached a cafe across town to work on a freelancing task (god forbid I use the desk I have at home).

I was staring at my laptop screen in the morning at a freelancing task that I should’ve delivered hours ago, and its 9 am and I haven’t even touched it!

I delivered that task, I ran home, gave the car rental back, got back home thinking I have a carry on, I don’t! I can’t even remember where that pink carry on is, did I leave it in Syria? At my sister’s? did I throw it in the trash because I always said I would because I hate the color pink!

Only god knows at this point — or mom! because mom would always find it! You name it, she’ll find it — how do moms develop such a superpower is beyond me!

So I pack my backpacking bag (wasn’t what I had in mind), couldn’t catch the bus to Abu Dhabi as It was already 1:10, I’m still at home, my flight is at 3:50!

I pay 250 for an airport taxi, so the money I saved by booking shitty wizz air from abu dhabi, literally would’ve equaled a better flight from Dubai, But I always get smacked in the face when I try to be cheap to cut costs — yet I never learn.

Only to reach the airport and stand in the longest unmovable queue on the planet earth for wizz air, it’s 3 pm, the gate close at 3:20, I ask for help, I’m given help from staff and they allow me to pass because I was queueing for an hour and I’m about to miss my flight,

only for one rude entitled bitch to start shouting at me for not queuing, at first I said I’m sorry and explained that I have been actually waiting for an hour but my gate closes in 20 minutes, he kept on shouting and shouting , so at this point its fair game — Shaniqua…hold my earings please.

if you read my (how I became a bully story) — now the sequel to that is, as a kid I was the bully that you’d pass by next to them peacefully and they’d choose to mess with you, but as an adult I’m not like that at all, I don’t wake up and choose violence but if you dare step on my side — may the lord be with you!

If you shout at me at 40% I shout at you at 100% and if you increase I’d increase even more, no way you’d fight harder than me, like literally impossible.

So what pissed me off from that guy is basically the fact that what are you acting entitled for?

bitch we are literally standing in Wizz Air — economy — non priority queue ! Like it couldn’t get any lower than that, had this conversation happened at an Emirates Queue maybe I’d understand, but don’t act like the king of England when the reality is that all of us here are literally the peasants of the society — so I had to unleash hell on him 🤷🏽‍♀️ I cussed him and his toxic masculinity (he was confused what is this got to do with that — even I don’t know — I just wanted to say those words😂😂😂)

And I won!! as the staff sent him back and I got to pass (IN YO FACE! Grumpy man with American passport — the Syrian won!)

And the staff called him stupid — not the most professional staff — but I appreciate him taking my side — not all heroes wear capes indeed 👏

I ran to the gate, Abu Dhabi suddenly decided to have a new airport! A huuuuuuge fancy one! Where did this come from in one year! I don’t know! but I had to run for the first time at an airport, like how we see in movies, turns out its not exciting or romantic at all!! As I reached the gate hot and flustered and sweaty and angry and hungry and everything in life going wrong , if it was me trying to catch “the one that got away” before he gets away — he actually would look at me — and gets away indeed 😂 because I looked like a train wreck with that one backpack from front one from the back, and sweat dripping from every possible place.

And I’m sitting now during my flight writing this, pausing, closing my eyes to rest for a bit and then continuing, I could’ve rested, I could’ve slept! But no ofcourse I need to write a rant about exhaustion instead of taking that time to rest from that exhaustion, because what would we do if my two followers on medium didn’t get their

daily fix of my content — can’t risk that!

Oh yeah which reminds me, add to that, all of this writing! Where did it come from?😱 two days ago I swear I didn’t even know that I can write! Let alone have a blog…but yeah ofcourse I need a blog and also to post it on every social media platform in existence, because why not!

Jokes aside, having a strong life force is such a blessing, an amazing blessing indeed because I know exactly whats the opposite of that is — I was just there, and having my creative juices rushing through my brain like crazy fuels my drive like no other and I’m beyond grateful for god, for the opportunities, the new people I’m meeting, the old ones, the travels, the life force & and more than anything my family.

But if I don’t stop, I’ll be losing all of the above, because physically I’m breaking down.

So I’m stopping.

• You won’t see new articles till I’m back to Dubai, or maybe even longer — no no pls don’t cry, it’s okay I’ll be back, promise 🤗
• Close friends, If I send bants, ignore me don’t enable me — I need to rest, bants can wait. And you know and I know, if you send me something I’d die if I don’t hit back with a sarcastic comback so please save me from myself.
• And If I wake up at 3, I’m forcing myself back to sleep.
• Minimal phone usage and screen exposure till Sunday or more.
• No freelancing this week, because the work quality is on the decline with this exhaustion.

And most importantly because living like there’s no tomorrow is amazing — but If I carry on like that — there will literally be no tomorrow sooner than I like!